Twas the night before Christmas ComputerLinux

Twas the night before Christmas ComputerLinux

From: JM (eat.me@my.shorts.org)
Subject: merry x-mas

Found while trolling /.

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a computer was stirring, neither keyboard or mouse;
The packages were updated, each one with care,
In hopes that St. Linus soon would be there;

The daemons were idle using no CPU,
The firewall working left them nothing to do;
And mamma with her emerge, and I with apt-get,
Had just settled down for a long winter’s fetch,

When out on the net there arose such a clatter,
I sprang to kernel.org to see what was the matter.
Away to my browser I flew like a flash,
Opened a new tab and clicked the link mighty fast.

The words on my screen with release notes just so
Gave the lustre of mid-day to source code below,
When, what would make my wondering eyes smile,
But a official release in a gzipped tar file,

“Now, Red Hat! now, S.u.S.E.! now, Mandrake and Knoppix!
On, Slackware! on Debian! on Gentoo and Gnoppix!
To the nearest mirror! to the next major release!
Now build away! build away! build away all!

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the mirrors the hackers they flew,
To see their new toys, and thank St. Linus too.

He sprang to his keyboard, to his team sent a note,
And away they all flew to 2.7, new features they wrote,
But I heard him exclaim, ere make config was gone,
“HAPPY HACKING TO ALL, AND YOUR uptime RESTARTS AT DAWN!”

Click here to see the original Twas the Night Before Christmas Poem

ComputerIntel(PentiumBug)

ComputerIntel(PentiumBug)

Intel Night before Christmas
by Nabeel Ibrahim (ni@ieee.org)

‘Twas the night before Christmas,
And all over the ‘Net,
All the posts about Intel,
Made everyone fret,

The whiners were vocal,
They wouldn’t shut up,
Complaining about Intel’s,
FDIV cover up,

The engineers were nestled,
All snug in their labs,
Worrying about Intel’s,
Mistake in the fabs,

They made up excuses,
On how they’re affected,
They called upon Intel,
And were promptly rejected,

And soon IBM jumped,
Right into the fray,
“We’ll stop shipping Pentiums,
As of later today.”

But their statement was just,
More political lies,
Because they said the next day,
“We’re still shipping those dies!”

But from where came this noise,
And vindictive clatter,
About a minor flaw,
That should not have mattered,

Well there was a math Prof.,
Doing work in V A,
He came to realize that,
Divs shouldn’t happen this way,

So Prof. Nicely described,
The bug that he found,
It wasn’t too long later,
That news got around,

Lots of people complained,
Without reason or rhyme,
Just because number five,
Equalled four point nine nine,

The media latched on,
And rumors were spread,
It took no time to proclaim,
That Intel was dead,

As I was reading more news,
A thought came to me,
Intel can’t possibly die,
The have a monopoly,

So on Andy, on Craig,
On Gordon and Vin,
Make sure with P6,
This doesn’t happen again,

As I logged off, I thought:
“This debate is absurd.”
So I soon logged back in,
And uttered these words,

“There are too many issues,
I refuse to take sides.
Merry Christmas to all,
And watch your divides.”

HO, HO, HO!!

Click here to see the original Twas the Night Before Christmas Poem

The Nights Before Christmas ComputerInput

The Nights Before Christmas ComputerInput

Subject:      The Nights Before Christmas [Archive]
From:         jrf@NOSPAMcyberjunkie.com (JRF)

- The Input Process Before Christmas -
(Aka The Computer Version)

T’was the night before Christmas, and all through the shop,
The computers were whirring; they never do stop.
The power was on and the temperature right,
In hopes that the input would feed back that night.

The system was ready, the program was coded,
And memory drums had been carefully loaded;
While adding a Christmasy glow to the scene,
The lights on the console, flashed red, white and green.

When out in the hall there arose such a clatter,
The programmer ran to see what was the matter.
Away to the hallway he flew like a flash,
Forgetting his key in his curious dash.

He stood in the hallway and looked all about,
When the door slammed behind him, and he was locked out.
Then, in the computer room what should appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer;

And a little old man, who with scarcely a pause,
Chuckled: “My name is Santa…the last name is Claus.”
The computer was startled, confused by the name,
Then it buzzed as it heard the old fellow exclaim:

“This is Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen,
And Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen.”
With all these odd names, it was puzzled anew;
It hummed and it clanked, and a main circuit blew.

It searched in its memory core, trying to “think”;
Then the multi-line printer went out on the blink.
Unable to do its electronic job,
It said in a voice that was almost a sob:

“Your eyes – how they twinkle – your dimples so merry,
Your cheeks so like roses, your nose like a cherry,
Your smile – all these things, I’ve been programmed to know,
And at data-recall, I am more than so-so;

But your name and your address (computers can’t lie),
Are things that I just cannot identify.
You’ve a jolly old face and a little round belly,
That shakes when you laugh like a bowlful of jelly;

My scanners can see you, but still I insist,
Since you’re not in my program, you cannot exist!”
Old Santa just chuckled a merry “ho, ho”,
And sat down to type out a quick word or so.

The keyboard clack-clattered, its sound sharp and clean,
As Santa fed this “data” to the machine:
“Kids everywhere know me; I come every year;
The presents I bring add to everyone’s cheer;

But you won’t get anything – that’s plain to see;
Too bad your programmers forgot about me.”
Then he faced the machine and said with a shrug,
“Merry Christmas to All,” as he pulled out its plug,

“And to all, a good night!”

Click here to see the original Twas the Night Before Christmas Poem